Power and Guilt

POWER - The word is fixed in my mind like a poisoned chalice. Down here, power is undisguised, indiscriminate, naked, and always fresh in the memory.

Every corner I turn, I see the blatant display of power. It had taken me and yanked me backed into line just when I thought I'd escaped, making me feel its weight - like I've never felt, letting me know that my life isn't really mine.

That's how things are down here; you can't change it, you can just live by the rules (just as everyone around here does), so simple once you learned them.

So I have made my peace with power, learned the wisdom of forgetting, and never attempting to revisit or reminisce.

GUILT - On the other hand is a luxury only the 'poor' can afford, the knowledge that things are not just right, the reality of what it is like to lose almost everything, the awkward feeling of waking up to the creaking of your bones and the twitching of your nerves, and to go to bed later without promises for tomorrow. A regular cycle of uninspiring events, a shallow life of unfulfilled promises.

Better not to think about it. Better to be strong. If you can't be strong, be clever and make peace with someone who's strong.

But always better to be strong yourself. Always.